I would like to share with you an interpersonal conflict that I experienced during my first year in junior college when I did my project work (PW) as part of the A level program. As the project group was assigned to us by our tutor, we did not get to choose our group members. Initially, things were fine and my group mates could get along together quite well, until one of my group mates (let's call him B), started to skip our project meetings for no reason. As a group leader, I went up to him and encouraged him to come for our project meetings, but to no avail. After a discussion with the rest of our group mates, we decided to approach our tutor to seek help as he refused to listen to us.
B began to turn up for the subsequent meetings after being advised by the tutor but somehow, due to some misunderstanding, he sort of blamed us for "complaining" to the tutor about him and appeared to be against me, especially. During the meetings, he did not contribute much in our group work and would even distract us by joking and talking about personal stuff with another group mate. Whenever we had to rush to complete certain stages of the project, that kind of attitude of his really got us fed up and we were left with no choice but to approach the tutor for help again.
However, things did not turn out to be what I expected. After seeking for help a second time from our tutor, I found myself being bombarded with vulgarities by B on MSN! He probably hated me for going up to the tutor again. In a fit of anger, I replied, "You did not listen to us and contribute much in our project. I find it even harder to work with you now. With your attitude like this, perhaps, you shouldn't be in JC."
I cried throughout the night as I was very hurt by the words he used on me. Was that what I truly deserved? After that incident, I stopped talking to him and till now, I regret to say that the conflict is still unresolved. Perhaps, I did not handle the situation well at that point of time. If you were in my shoes, how would you react and manage the conflict?
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3 comments:
Conflicts indeed can arise easily during project works. I think you were right in encouraging him to come for the meeting before approaching the tutor for help. However, perhaps you can also find out from B why he has not been attending group meetings and not contributing to the project. Maybe he has some personal problems to handle that the group may have to feel empathetic for?
As for the MSN incident, I can understand that you are very angry and upset, hence the harsh reply back to him. Its indeed hard to control our feeling sometimes. Maybe at that time you should have ignore his vulgarities reply and close the chat window with him?
But since this incident happened so long ago, perhaps you can take the initiative to talk to him now? Maybe through MSN or class gathering. Perhaps time will really heal the 'wound' between the two of you.
Definitely you have to stand up to him, that's what i feel. He is in the wrong to neglect his responsibilities and even blame you all for it, not to mention hurling vulgarities at a classmate and project leader.
On an entirely different note, you could have talked to him about it first, instead of approaching your tutor. Let him know your concerns, perhaps he might be communicable? I feel that you might have been prejudiced of him beforehand, and couldn't really accept him in your group. Since it is a group work, i think the best way is to settle it within yourselves first. If he really doesn't listen then you can take the plunge and make a complaint. At least you warned him.
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